THAT’S PROBABLY THE SECOND COOLEST POST TITLE I WILL EVER WRITE. This one takes first place, because Chris Hemsworth is slightly higher on my list of Totally Realistic Potential Husbands than Kristen, but only slightly. In case you butts somehow missed the sweaty announcement of the CENTURY on Monday and are currently scratching your enormous heads with befuddlement, here is a brief breakdown:
I GOT TO GO TO LONDON AND MEET CELEBRITIES AND TALK TO THEM AND OH IT WAS GLORIOUS, IT WAS GLORIOUS INDEED, AND I NOW HAVE THE BIGGEST GIRL-CRISH EVER ON KRISTEN STEWART, WHO I SHALL HENCEFORTH REFER TO AS “THE STEW,” BECAUSE THAT IS AN EXCELLENT NICKNAME AND ALSO BECAUSE I LOVE STEW.
WHEW. I’m pretty sure I’ve depleted my capital-letter bank at this point. Let’s check: IS MY CAPITAL LETTER BANK BANKRUPT? Nope, looks like I still got a few left—and they will definitely come in handy as I attempt to convey to you the magnitude of my giddiness and glee at meeting THE STEW, who I know some of you don’t exactly adore, but it is my greatest hope that after reading about my interactions with her, you will love her just as much as I do, which is to say, A LOT x INFINITY.
I met The Stew on the same day I met Chris Hemsworth—as you may recall me stating in my previous post, it was prettttty much the greatest day of my life (and will be topped only by the day that Joseph Gordon-Levitt finally realizes the folly of his ways, revokes his restraining order against me, and asks for my hand in marriage). Allow me to describe it now in all its sweaty magnificence:
Myself and several other bloggers were huddled in a misty, LOTR-worthy forest in England (the set of this movie is seriously right out of the best Aragorn-related daydream you ever had). We walked into a clearing, and all of a sudden, there she was: THE STEW. I punched the blogger next to me in the arm and scream-whispered ” THAT’S HER. THAT’S KRISTEN. KRISTEN STEWART. ARE YOU SEEING THIS. SHE IS RIGHT THERE.” I was in shock, butts. For the other bloggers, this was all pretty normal—they’d been been to set visits and junkets and red carpets aplenty—but for me, this experience was like landing on the moon and finding a 24-hour diner that serves brownie-batter pancakes.
The Stew was wearing a brown corset dress (one of the many insanely awesome costumes that Oscar-winning costume designer Colleen Atwood crafted) and rockin’ a Katniss braid, and guys, she looked BEAUTIFUL. Like, it was maybe 45 degrees in this forest, and she was covered in mud and probably hadn’t showered in a few days, and on top of all that she was HANGING UPSIDE-DOWN FROM A TREE, and still she looked stunning. But it wasn’t her gorgeousness that won me over—it was her personality. From watching interviews with The Stew, I expected her to be quiet and reserved—but when I saw her on set, she was a WHIRLWIND of AWESOMENESS and EMOTION.
She listened intently and gestured animatedly as the director gave her feedback, laughed delightedly with Chris about accidentally walloping him in the nose in an earlier scene, drummed her fingers on her knees and fixed her braid between takes, and, before stepping into a shot, seemed to pause for a moment and BECOME her character—you could literally see a transformation taking place. She gave everything she had to every scene, and when the director yelled “Cut!” she went back to goofing around with Chris and chatting excitedly to everyone around her.
At one point, she smiled in my direction, and my sweaty heart swelled up like a balloon. A BALLOON, SPARKLERS. I had basically fallen in love with her, and I hadn’t even met her yet. After watching several takes of the scene, us bloggers were put on a bus and taken to the GIANT ACTUAL CASTLE that was built just for this movie, where we stood around excitedly, like sweaty castle guards, waiting for The Stew to wrap up on set. I was beside myself with nervousness and delight; out of all the amazing people I got to talk to during this visit, Kristen was the one I was most excited about.
And then, suddenly, she jumped out of a car and walked toward us, grinning and rocking well-worn Converse sneakers and gray sweatpants. There she was, standing directly in front of me, rubbing her badly-bruised hand and smiling. I had two choices: I could have a panic blackout (tempting) or I could TALK TO THE STEW and go down in history as the sweatiest blogger ever to do so. I summoned up all my courage, pointed to her hand, and asked in my bravest voice (which happens to make me sound a lot like a 13-year-old boy): “Is that from punching Chris?”
“No!” she laughed, and the interview was off. After a few seconds, the unthinkable happened: she tilted her head and said, “Do you guys want to do this in my trailer?” UH, DO I WANT TO EAT A CHEESEBURGER EVERY DAY FOR BREAKFAST AND FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAGICALLY TRANSFORM BABY CARROTS INTO HUNDRED-DOLLAR BILLS?! YES. So we followed her into her trailer, where she hopped up on the counter and started chatting with us like we’d all been friends for years.
Sparklers, she was AMAZING. I’m not just saying this because I met her, I AM SAYING IT BECAUSE IT’S TRUE. I was worried she’d be a aloof and cautious, but she was effusive and enthusiastic and so, so smart. She weighed every word she said, but cracked jokes too; she put me totally at ease (and considering I was about 2 breaths away from a panic-induced asthma attack, that was not an easy task). It was like hanging out with one of YOU, Sparklers—she was so funny, and adorably awkward, and even goofy—and at one point she got so excited about what she was saying that she jumped off the counter and marched around the room, pretending to be a dude wearing knight’s armor. IT. WAS. FANTASTIC. I spent the entire interview nearly doubled over with giddy happiness. Want to know what The Stew and me talked about? WELL HERE YA GO:
The Stew on accidentally punching Chris (this scene will be in the movie!): It’s actually a very confidence-building experience. You know when you dream [about punching someone] and your hand just slides right down their face? It doesn’t do that in real life. It really works. God, that really made me feel horrible, though. I mean, like instantly hot tears and I was like, “Oops!”
The Stew: Yes. It’s strange playing a character that you actually could never truly embody. Her spirit affects people in such a way that—you know, I mean luckily our script is written that way, but I can’t have Snow White’s effect on people. I can’t actually be completely selfless, because nobody is. You can only really play a character like that in a fairy tale and play it with an awful load of integrity and not have it just be like a fake character in a movie with other people that do seem real. She’s very fully formed but very farfetched from the reality that we live in. She also is strong in a very different way than you’d expect.
The Stew: Strength, yeah, but also gusto. I mean, she’s strong. She can kick ass. But you’re not watching going, “Yeah! Kill him!” It’s gutting. It’s physically gutting for her, literally. A million different reasons, but she’s special.
I think she genuinely lacks that innate fear of death that we all have. She’s got a serious, fierce survival—not skills, but insights. But she isn’t afraid of anything. What’s harder is to have dreams and hopes that you lived with your whole life sort of be just shattered in front of you. Only that hope doesn’t exist anymore and you’ve got so much in you and you can’t explain to people that it’s so worth fighting for. So, basically, it’s like she’s a voodoo doll. Do you know what I mean? If they’re [her people] in pain, she’s in pain.
The Stew: Yeah, because that’s just the very surface—she is prissy sometimes. That’s the other thing. It takes her the whole movie basically to become who I’m talking about now. It’s strange. It’s a total identity movie. It’s all just being okay with who you know you always have been and not being ashamed of being the only one who sees the light. It’s an enormous burden and she’s so stunted. She was put away when she was seven years old and her mother and father were killed basically right in front of her, and we’re not doing the version of a fairy tale that wouldn’t deal with all of those things, where you just sort of skim over all those things, and it’s like all of these things are actually really important to the characters. She literally bleeds for her land and her people, and that’s just such a cool concept for me.
The Stew: She’s definitely a born leader. I mean, it’s literally pumping through those veins, but it’s been taken from her. She’s been so stolen from. But it’s not an easy thing to just …
The Stew: Absolutely. If you look down and something doesn’t feel like you would be wearing it or if you go to grab your knife and it flops around or—basically she [Colleen Atwood] thinks about every detail. It’s so wearable. I also have puffy sleeves. Somehow she manages to make puffy sleeves look butch. I was always expecting to wind up in a—basically what I’m wearing underneath it, like that little blue dress, which is just thin and wispy. I was really happy that she’s got something heavy on—a bit of armor.
The Stew: Yeah. That’s the first thing you wanna do is *pounds her chest and yells* Also, my armor doesn’t have a huge top on it. All the guys, unfortunately, they go like this and they hit themselves in the head. I can run around in mine. Somehow the armor on men—unless they’re on horseback and they look amazing—but to see a guy in it, there’s also something kind of dainty about it, too, like pointy toes. It fits a woman’s body better, I feel. I don’t know, the guys running around suddenly look like little toys—slightly feminine little toys.
The Stew: Before I met him, I was like, “Gosh, so charming.” You know what I mean? Like he’s so ridiculously, seemingly nice. Movie-star caliber nice. When he came in it was like, “Wow! This is interesting!” I mean, it was like they really elevated it. I mean, Chris is an amazing, nice guy and has great instincts and he can roll with everything on set. He’s really relaxed, whereas I’m always like, “Oh my God!” I use my anxiety to do this and he’s always sort of like—he’s a good energy for me. I really like working with him. He is obsessed with Lord of the Rings and he was always humming Enya while we were trudging up the mountain, and I was saying, “You should make a remake of Lord of the Rings.”